I’m sitting here staring at this blank page and it reminds me of my school days when the teacher would give you a story title and ask you to write a story! I remember the panic that would fill my mind staring at that blank page, willing the pencil to move with some incredibly creative plot that would make my teacher happy! Thank goodness teaching is different today! But still, where to begin?
My blog is 12 years old – can you believe it?! It has seen many iterations over the years and it’s still a work in progress, as I continue to challenge myself, but this year has left me a little burnt out! When I first started writing blog posts, I had no clue about promoting my business – it didn’t even occur to me! I was basically using it as a journal to chart life’s ups and downs! And here I am, come full circle, because today’s blog post will be a personal one.
This time last year, just before Christmas, my dear hubby was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. A year on, I hardly ever think about it and he certainly doesn’t! But at the time of diagnosis, my mind took me to our life 10 years in the future and what that would look like – I felt pain in my heart, I had lost my love. I didn’t know what this loss looked like, but I felt it deep in my heart and it hurt! I was distraught and cried many, many tears!
In January, I became ill. I still remember the pain today. Coming back from the hospital, I was no longer so scared, as I knew now what was wrong – gallstones!! Lol! For the next 6 months, I had frequent flare ups of pain and sickness, but then in June my gallbladder ruptured and it was finally removed – yay! My consultant was concerned about infection as I take a weekly immuno-suppressant for Crohn’s Disease. And sure enough, on cue, 4 days later, I contracted sepsis! My hospital stay was fine, but when I returned home and had to take strong oral antibiotics (no more IV), I had a terrible reaction to them and seemed more ill from that reaction than the original sepsis! Anyway, after about a month, I was back on my feet, but weak. It took many more months for me to feel strong again.
But there’s more and this is the kicker! Literally whilst I was being operated on, my husband took a phone call from the city cancer center. They wanted him to attend immediately, but he didn’t want to go until he knew I was out of the operating theater and home the next day. He did not tell me that day. My son brought me home from the hospital while hubby was in the city to speak to his consultant. He was diagnosed with aggressive Stage 3 prostate cancer with spread to the lymph nodes. I don’t think I need to describe the emotions we went through the next few months! We often lay on our sofa together watching television (not really watching, but lost in thought) and just holding on to each other for safety and comfort. No words were necessary – we were pretty speechless anyway. We just couldn’t believe it was happening and were in total shock. Over the next 2 months, I counted 18 medical appointments and that was before the treatment began! I won’t detail the treatment – it is still ongoing – but for nearly 5 weeks, we spent every day at the hospital for between 5 and 8 hours. We were exhausted!
A few weeks ago, my dear hubby got to ‘ring the bell’. He has a good chance of making it to the 5 year mark. He will continue with some other treatments for a few years, but for now, he is safe, but very tired. He finds the tiredness the worst! During his treatment, we also found out that he has osteoporosis – he will sound begin medication to help this.
So, yes, I want to say it’s been a horrible year, although I am very aware, there are many poor souls out there who are suffering terribly. Some days, I feel overwhelmed with this life, for us and for many others. The tears bubble up and the ‘why’ question gets asked. But every day is a new day and we struggle on, because that’s what life is – a series of ups and downs.
On a lighter note, our cat Binx got some new friends – four bunnies – Apollo, Thor, Nutmeg and Honey, as well as a puppy – now called Tilly! Our little zoo brings us so much joy every day. The unconditional love and innocence is a great barrier to what’s going on in the world. They help us start the day with a smile and a cuddle!
So, where did all this leave my business? If you read my blog, you will be aware that a new blog post went out consistently every Tuesday. You will have noticed this has not happened for a long time! With my own illness and hubby’s diagnoses, I decided I owed it to us to spend time in the real world – no more virtual for me! No more endless hours in front of the computer – we had memories to make! So basically, I shut off the computer for almost a year.
Now it’s 12 months later – where did the time go? – I am mostly back. I’m currently giving all my resources a refresh. I hope to launch something new next summer and I’m trying hard to build my little community up again. I won’t, however, be back to the long hours I worked before. There has to be a balance. To this end, I will only be posting on the blog once a month.
To be honest, I don’t even know if anyone will read this blog post. Many feel blogs have had their day, but you know what? It needed to be written – it was cathartic for me and hopefully informative for you. It feels like closure at the end of 2023 – a year we never hope to repeat!
God Bless you all – and if you got this far – a huge pat on the back!! Lol!
